{"id":762,"date":"2011-01-17T00:46:27","date_gmt":"2011-01-17T05:46:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/allaboutmatt.org\/blog\/?p=762"},"modified":"2017-09-13T13:31:38","modified_gmt":"2017-09-13T17:31:38","slug":"one-year-ago","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/allaboutmatt.org\/blog\/one-year-ago\/","title":{"rendered":"One Year Ago….."},"content":{"rendered":"

One year ago, I was coming to terms with being diagnosed with this unbelievably rare form of cancer at age 24. \u00a0I had to leave my girlfriend in Thailand, leave one of my favorite places that I have ever been to, and end my job abroad. \u00a0I literally had to stop my life and now focus on this new battle in my life. \u00a0There would be no more teaching in Thailand and I can cancel the travel plans Anna and I planned for all of South-East Asia. \u00a0At this time last year, I was probably calling up Annie and telling her that I would not be going back to Thailand because I have cancer. \u00a0It is so ridiculous because I would joke around with Annie in prior months about how the thing behind my ear is a tumor, never dreaming how that thing behind my ear would change my life. \u00a0I was constantly crying on my mothers’ shoulder and trying to wrap my head around this new thing that has entered my life.<\/p>\n

The first month or two of the new diagnosis of cancer is a whirlwind of decisions that need to be made. \u00a0It is meeting with tons of different doctors from different hospitals. \u00a0Who will be your surgeon? Your oncologist? Your radiologist? \u00a0Should I get surgery? \u00a0Chemotherapy? \u00a0Radiation? \u00a0When do I start? \u00a0Should I look into Alternative Treatment? \u00a0Will \u00a0it work? \u00a0What kind of cancer do I have? \u00a0Has it spread? \u00a0Where did it start? \u00a0How did it start? \u00a0Is it curable? \u00a0{Will I live? \u00a0How long do I have? \u00a0(I did not actually ask my docs about these questions, but I did think about it.)} \u00a0How will I tolerate chemo? \u00a0Will I get sick? \u00a0Along with all the questions and doubt that were running through my head, I was also thinking this: \u00a0Its time to go to battle. \u00a0I am young, I can beat this shit. \u00a0This is going to be easy. \u00a0When do we start? \u00a0I want to start now! \u00a0I didn’t care what stage or how far advanced the caner was because it didn’t matter. \u00a0I was going to fight and keep on fighting.<\/p>\n

After finally settling down with the doctors, it is time to start with the treatment plans. \u00a0Believe me I was nervous because of this new unknown journey I was starting. \u00a0Will I get sick from the chemo? \u00a0Does radiation hurt? \u00a0Will it start to hurt after a couple of weeks? \u00a0But I also had the thoughts of lets get this started. \u00a0The quicker I start, the quicker the cancer is gone and dead. \u00a0I will be able to handle it all. \u00a0I will not lose any weight from the chemotherapy. \u00a0I will be fine. \u00a0I will kill cancer. \u00a0I had the tumor removed in January and we had to wait until March to start radiation and chemo. \u00a0Another reason why I think I have done so well is because my surgeon is DA MAN. \u00a0Dr. Cosantino is the best surgeon in the world and Thank the Lord that he was my surgeon. While I waited for my treatment, I was going to do some fun shit before it all started. \u00a0Railroad Earth did a little mini tour of two shows at Mexicali Blues Cafe and a show in Bay Shore, NY. \u00a0PERFECT!!! \u00a0The best night of the whole three night run was Saturday night at Mexicali Blues Cafe. \u00a0My whole family was at the show. \u00a0My Mom, Dad, Uncle Chris, Aunt Patti, Dave, Cat, Tim, Meagan, Annie, Whitey, Maggie and my mentor from Midland Park Don Elliot. \u00a0It was a truly amazing experience to see RRE with my whole family like this. \u00a0We were all front row and had the best time of our lives. \u00a0The next two shows were great, but different. \u00a0It was just Annie and I and the shows were a lot more mellow compared to Saturday night. \u00a0It was a perfect weekend full of family, friends and RRE.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

I started treatment towards the end of March. \u00a0It would consist of 40 days of radiation treatment to my \u00a0neck and three doses of chemotherapy. \u00a0The scariest part of the whole treatment process was how normal it became to me. \u00a0It was like second nature to me like going to school. \u00a0It was normal for me to get up at 7 in the morning and drive into the city. \u00a0Sit in a waiting room for about five minutes and then go into the radiation room. \u00a0I would lay and get a mask snapped around my head, so my head could be in the same position every time I got radiation. \u00a0This became my life for about a month and a half. \u00a0And it was normal. \u00a0I would think to myself that this is normal and everyone has to go through this. \u00a0It was normal to get radiation lasers beamed into my body. \u00a0I wish I had my pictures of this whole process, but they got lost when my mother spilled green tea on my computer. \u00a0Love ya mom!!<\/p>\n

So I finished all my treatment and I handled everything relatively well. \u00a0I definitely lost a lot weight because of radiation damage and it was hard to eat and nausea from the chemotherapy. \u00a0I can’t believe how much I gained weight from just beer over the years. \u00a0Once I finished my treatment, I thought to myself great. \u00a0I am done and I beat cancer. \u00a0For me, I believed that all you had to do was finish your treatment once and cancer would go away. \u00a0Cancer would surrender to radiation and chemotherapy just once. \u00a0It only took one time. \u00a0It was time to get my scans done and all we got checked was the lungs. \u00a0All the damage from radiation to my head and neck will show up on the scan, so we would not be able to see anything up there. \u00a0To get straight to the point, there was still cancer in my lungs. \u00a0It did not go away and for some reason it did not surprise me. \u00a0This is going to be tougher than just one set of treatment and done. \u00a0This is when I started to realize that this is going to be a marathon. \u00a0I might be battling this for years, not months.<\/p>\n

Over the summer I just took it easy. \u00a0No treatment. \u00a0I went to Lake George with my family and enjoyed every second of it. \u00a0I started to set up a hammock at the end of our dock for the first time ever. \u00a0I have no idea why it took it me so long to come up with this idea. \u00a0Man, I was such an idiot. \u00a0The hammock was perfect swinging over the lake. I also started working at my dads work to keep busy during the day and start making a little money. \u00a0I went to the All Good Music Festival down in WV with Annie, Whitey, and Maggie. \u00a0This was a great time. \u00a0Yonder late night was the highlight. \u00a0I saw a couple of shows during the summer and fall. \u00a0Throughout this whole time I was doing an alternative treatment and not traditional treatment. \u00a0I was taking all sorts of supplements and vitamins. \u00a0I was getting IV vitamin c and a drug called laetrile. \u00a0I was drinking all kinds of supplemental drinks. \u00a0It was crazy the amount of stuff I was taking a day. \u00a0This was my new kind of treatment. \u00a0I was really believing in the body healing itself. \u00a0If I ate correctly and took all this stuff that my body would beat the cancer out.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, this did not happen. \u00a0The week after Halloween and the RRE and YMSB concerts I got sick. \u00a0I had to go to the hospital, which led to the start of a new round of chemotherapy. \u00a0Then again in December I had to go back to the hospital. \u00a0You can read all about it in my two blogs that I wrote before.<\/p>\n

http:\/\/allaboutmatt.org\/blog\/nuthin-different-bout-december\/<\/a><\/p>\n

http:\/\/allaboutmatt.org\/blog\/when-the-going-gets-tough-the-tough-gets-going\/<\/a><\/p>\n

Now, its January of 2011. \u00a0I am on my 4th chemo treatment. \u00a0The last two treatments have gone surprisingly really well. \u00a0The main and most important thing is that I have had no nausea. \u00a0I have been able to eat and eat really well. \u00a0I actually have gained weight throughout these treatments. \u00a0The first time in a year. \u00a0After the third chemo, I had to get a chest CT to see how things are. \u00a0The scan showed a little improvement from the last scan. \u00a0Also, no cancer in my stomach or liver or kidneys or in that area. \u00a0This is the best news I got from a scan in a year. \u00a0So I guess 2011 so far has been a great year. \u00a0Well, it has definitely started off better than 2010 did. \u00a0I got two more treatments left of this chemo and then I am sure I get another scan and rest from any kind of treatment. \u00a0I am looking forward to the next two months because I am going to a couple of concerts. \u00a0I am going to see a bunch of RRE shows in February and a bunch of Furthur shows in March. \u00a0I am hoping to start subbing again at Midland Park in March or April. \u00a0I need to get back in the profession I love and want to be for the rest of my life. \u00a0It should be a good couple of months.<\/p>\n

The reason I started writing this entry is to reflect on the year that I have gone through. \u00a0To talk about the “new or same perspective” I have gained since having cancer. \u00a0One, I hate the people who say that cancer is the best thing that has happened to them. \u00a0They say this because they have gained some new perspective and now appreciate life. \u00a0I got cancer at age 24. \u00a0It is way too young. \u00a0I wish I could party like a normal 25 year old would do on the weekends. \u00a0My whole life has changed. \u00a0Damn, I wish I could still drink heavily and party like I used to. \u00a0Who knows once I beat this shit. \u00a0I might be out partying again, but for some reason I doubt that. \u00a0Now that might be a good thing, but its waaayyyy too early in my life for it to happen. \u00a0I think to myself and sit here and feel bad for the people who go out to the bars every weekend and fall into this routine of doing that. \u00a0I am no longer a slave of doing that. \u00a0I now sit home on the weekends and watch TV, but I am no longer that kind of slave. \u00a0And that kind of feels good. \u00a0I guess that is one thing that I have learned.<\/p>\n

Lately, I have been thinking whether or not I am using my time wisely right now. \u00a0Even though I have cancer I feel relatively healthy. \u00a0As of now, I go to bed late and I wake up late. \u00a0I sit around and watch way too much TV. \u00a0I am a LAMF as my uncle would say. \u00a0A lazy ass mother fucker; however, I say to myself I am recovering. \u00a0I am trying to beat cancer that is what I am doing. \u00a0I am getting healthy. \u00a0But in the back of my mind I am thinking that I should be doing more in my life. \u00a0I don’t want to say that I have been given a second chance, but I am healthy enough to do stuff. \u00a0I have been really sick and in the hospital before. \u00a0When you are that sick ALL you want and should do is lay around and rest. \u00a0Now, I feel like I should be out and about. \u00a0It’s hard though when I don’t have a job. \u00a0I get chemo every three weeks, so the week after chemo I am usually out of commission, but then I have two free good weeks. \u00a0Maybe right now its impossible to do anything. \u00a0Maybe I have to wait till I am finished. \u00a0Should I be exercising more? \u00a0Should I be going outside? Nahh, its way too cold out there right now. \u00a0I do enjoy the snow, but it is way too cold.<\/p>\n

One of the hardest things is that everything has changed, FOREVER!!!! \u00a0I know that this is a very general idea, but what I mean is this. \u00a0Someone I \u00a0know now asks me how I sleep at night, every morning. \u00a0Never once as a healthy person was I ever asked this and now I get it every day now. \u00a0I get asked how I am feeling like four or five times a day. \u00a0My family are constantly coming back with things for me to eat like milk shakes and what not. \u00a0Lately, I have just not been able to handle it. \u00a0I know that it is selfish to get upset for my family getting me things, but it reminds me of being sick. \u00a0All this is new and gets associated with me being sick. \u00a0However, the important thing that I have realized throughout this whole year is how important and caring my family is. \u00a0There is no way in hell that I could have gotten through this year without my family. \u00a0They have been the one stable thing in my life this year. \u00a0My family is the one and only thing I can trust. \u00a0Thank you! Mom, Dad, Tim, Dave, Grace and Nanny. \u00a0I also want to thank my doctors. \u00a0My surgeon, Dr. Costantino and all his great students under him. \u00a0My radiologist, Dr. Harrison, who got rid of all the cancer in my face with his LAZERS. \u00a0My NY oncologist, Dr. Culliney, who is one of the most understanding docs out there. \u00a0My NJ oncologist, Dr. Rakowski. \u00a0And all the nurses I have met on the way. \u00a0Thanks!<\/p>\n

The last thing goes along with how I hate people who say cancer is the best thing that has ever happened to them. \u00a0My whole life has stopped during this whole process. \u00a0Most twenty year olds are out traveling or starting their careers. \u00a0They are moving out and starting their LIVES!!!!! \u00a0 My plans in Thailand with Annie had to end. \u00a0My career in education has had to been put on hold. \u00a0My social life, well I have no social life<\/strong> anymore. \u00a0The one and only person who I would see a lot that was not family, is now relegated to Sunday chats on Gmail. \u00a0One of the main reasons I went back to Thailand was to finally travel around South-East Asia. \u00a0Now I have to wait on that. \u00a0I cannot continue my job as a math teacher, which is really killing me. \u00a0I want to be back in front of a classroom interacting with students. \u00a0My career has been put on hold. \u00a0Annie and I planned on moving in together once we got back from Thailand, but that cannot happen because I don’t have a job and getting treatments. \u00a0Life stops! \u00a0And life becomes cancer. \u00a0It is all that matters because thats all I need to care about. \u00a0I need to beat it. \u00a0I will beat it. \u00a0I guess one thing that helps me get through it is that I rarely think about cancer. \u00a0When I am sitting on my couch watching TV, I am thinking that life is normal. \u00a0I am doing what most people do. \u00a0I am never constantly dwelling on cancer, which is a big reason why I have done so well this year, I think. \u00a0Believe me it is fucking hard not to just worry all the time, especially when scans are coming around, but thinking good thoughts and putting it out of your mind is necessary to achieve success.<\/p>\n

You can tell my life has not turned out the way that I thought it would be. \u00a0But that does not mean I can give up on life. \u00a0I have to keep on going and get to where I will start living on my own and start my career again. \u00a0The one thing that I have thought about that has kept me afloat throughout this year is that maybe I got cancer to prove to friends and family that you can beat cancer. \u00a0I can beat cancer. \u00a0I am not really sure what I am proving or showing, but its something to my friends and family. \u00a0Maybe its that you don’t have to be scared when you have cancer. \u00a0I have no idea what it is, but I know its something. \u00a0I just hope people are paying attention and learning!!!<\/p>\n

This will be the first picture that I have put out since losing my hair, so all of you better treasure it!!!!! \u00a0Take a look at the scar from the surgery. \u00a0It is barely visible and looks amazing. \u00a0I am pretty proud of it. \u00a0Thank Dr. Cos.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

One year ago, I was coming to terms with being diagnosed with this unbelievably rare form of cancer at age 24. \u00a0I had to leave my girlfriend in Thailand, leave one of my favorite places that I have ever been to, and end my job abroad. \u00a0I literally had to stop my life and now […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[47],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-762","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/allaboutmatt.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/762"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/allaboutmatt.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/allaboutmatt.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allaboutmatt.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allaboutmatt.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=762"}],"version-history":[{"count":40,"href":"https:\/\/allaboutmatt.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/762\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1284,"href":"https:\/\/allaboutmatt.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/762\/revisions\/1284"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/allaboutmatt.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=762"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allaboutmatt.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=762"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allaboutmatt.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=762"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}